A doll called Peter: 5 ways to help a child in family crisis

When I was a child in crisis, I received a gift I've never forgotten.

It was late evening on my sixth birthday when two surprise visitors arrived.

I’d met them only five months earlier, and they weren’t related to me, but I called them Aunt Lenore and Uncle Linc. They used to live next door to us on the mission compound—before we left to get urgent medical care for my dad in Manila, the Philippine capital.

It was my first birthday in a foreign country. Everything—food, weather, culture—around me was unfamiliar.

And our family was in crisis.

My new stepfather was critically ill with a brain infection, requiring neurosurgery.

My mother was taking care of him for long periods of time.

My siblings were in boarding school hundreds of miles away.

I was living with my new stepbrother and sister-in-law, a young couple with their first newborn.

Uncle Linc and Aunt Lenore arrived, bearing a long package. I eyed it, hardly daring to hope. It was just the right size for the life-size boy doll named Peter that I’d played with at their house a couple times.

They wouldn’t give me Peter, would they?

Peter had been in their family for years—enjoying the attentions of several daughters, now grown. Peter had sailed from America on a ship when the Nelsons first came to the Philippines in the 1950s.

Peter was the closest thing you could get to a real person.

He could be your little boy when you played house . . .  or your patient when you played doctor . . . or your playmate when everyone your age was at school but you weren’t, because you’d just moved.

He could be your best friend when you hadn’t made friends yet. Your confidante when you were scared and sad, and the adults around you were engrossed in their stressful lives.

Holding my breath, I pulled at the string tying up the brown cardboard box.

I lifted the lid.

Peter’s gorgeous blue eyes stared up at me. He wore the dearest checked jumper, with lace-up shoes and crew socks. And he was all mine.

I often think back to that evening, to the precious gift Aunt Lenore gave me—a little girl she scarcely knew. When business took her and Uncle Linc to Manila, she’d carried Peter on the plane so I’d have a birthday present.

I don’t know how she knew it was my birthday. She couldn’t have known Peter would be the best, most healing gift for a child whose family was upended by crisis. But she brought him to me, and I cherished him for years to come.

Have you known a family in crisis—one with small children? Illness, death, loss of home or a job, an unexpected move . . .  ‘adult’ events can be devastating to children too young to understand the implications. Often, we help the parents while forgetting to acknowledge the effect on the child. As you reach out to those in need, take a moment to consider any children in the equation . . . and if there’s a Peter you might be able to give. ——————————

💛5 WAYS TO HELP CHILDREN UPENDED BY CRISIS

1.      Notice them. If you stop by to visit, greet them, hug them (if appropriate), talk to them.

2.      Observe them. Are there signs that something’s being neglected? Try to meet physical, short-term needs like food, bedding, clean clothing, or intangible long-term needs like a listening ear, a supportive adult.

3.      Take them. If possible, offer to care for them for a few hours or even overnight. Removing the child from an upsetting situation can give them the space and time needed for emotional balance—and can help relieve the adult, too.

4.      Transport them. A family in crisis often needs help getting children where they need to be: school, medical appointments, church.

5.      Gift them. A comforting blanket, stuffy, or pillow. A doll or stuffed animal. A craft kit. A wholesome, interesting book. A book with a character who faces obstacles can remind the child that they are not alone.